February 8, 2008
February 7, 2008
essentially animal, and what to do with all the agression
sadness. chemical imbalance. whichever you could call it.
i wont listen to you.
feeling agony for no apparent reason. no fucked childhood. nothing. only an imaginative one with endless possiblity. and that is nowhere the so called problem. but a developed internal pain that never subsides and i cant identify. and it stemmed from nowhere. and i just want the shit to stop.
the drugs. it started to give myself an acutal probelm. i yearned for a problem. some form of justification. that maybe this will become my reason for depression, and not just nothing unnessary inside. what i could place the blame on. the paralyzing shame. allowing yourself to create it. to hope that sadness is coming from somewhere else and not just you yourself. the reason to attach to. of course your new found system of pain is what has come to cause you the most pain you ever imagined.
all these created problems, your defenses. these addictions. only to make us feel better temporalily. sooth us and put us to sleep. or elevate our every thought to its best possible state.
mentally, emotional, physically. building false images of ourselves. of security. only to keep us more dead. looking in the guns direction. its not that we want to die. more as in feeling as though we could at any moment.
if we could free for one moment...and catch a glimpse of our true situation, we may be horrified or pleased. our bodies are controlling cages. and were all living in a crazy, backwards world. often unware of all the lies and messages were projecting. and were all working together to build a defensive way of living. and ussualy we dont know what we are missing because we dont allow ourselves to taste any difference. turning our backs on the real feelings, the real desires and floating into self denial.. the real self destructive process in the make. and ive begun to believe being free cannot exsist. mind entrapment doesnt ever decease. and i will continue to pray there is no god.
this demoralization of a society built upon cliches. the difference between your real feelings and those role-determined feelings we feel the need to project. only forms of dishonesty. feeling the need to cry for say...death. when maybe thats not exactly what will/or needs to come out of you. iorhtietrwae6yeruyorht i dont what else to say reaally.
i wont listen to you.
feeling agony for no apparent reason. no fucked childhood. nothing. only an imaginative one with endless possiblity. and that is nowhere the so called problem. but a developed internal pain that never subsides and i cant identify. and it stemmed from nowhere. and i just want the shit to stop.
the drugs. it started to give myself an acutal probelm. i yearned for a problem. some form of justification. that maybe this will become my reason for depression, and not just nothing unnessary inside. what i could place the blame on. the paralyzing shame. allowing yourself to create it. to hope that sadness is coming from somewhere else and not just you yourself. the reason to attach to. of course your new found system of pain is what has come to cause you the most pain you ever imagined.
all these created problems, your defenses. these addictions. only to make us feel better temporalily. sooth us and put us to sleep. or elevate our every thought to its best possible state.
mentally, emotional, physically. building false images of ourselves. of security. only to keep us more dead. looking in the guns direction. its not that we want to die. more as in feeling as though we could at any moment.
if we could free for one moment...and catch a glimpse of our true situation, we may be horrified or pleased. our bodies are controlling cages. and were all living in a crazy, backwards world. often unware of all the lies and messages were projecting. and were all working together to build a defensive way of living. and ussualy we dont know what we are missing because we dont allow ourselves to taste any difference. turning our backs on the real feelings, the real desires and floating into self denial.. the real self destructive process in the make. and ive begun to believe being free cannot exsist. mind entrapment doesnt ever decease. and i will continue to pray there is no god.
this demoralization of a society built upon cliches. the difference between your real feelings and those role-determined feelings we feel the need to project. only forms of dishonesty. feeling the need to cry for say...death. when maybe thats not exactly what will/or needs to come out of you. iorhtietrwae6yeruyorht i dont what else to say reaally.
February 4, 2008
February 3, 2008
kendi bird flew to jacquey blue
not only pink cotton candy clouds with hypnotic green meadows to run and fall into, but castles in irrdescent golden clouds. night time hot air balloon rides, over the sea with swans siginin songs all night long. climbing the willow tree that cries and plays the harp. butterflies that land on your hand and talk. cookie and pastry mountains. an enchanted cinderella blue wardobe with every frock or gown to dress up and go mad in. endless rooms with paint, shaving cream, mushrooms, marshmellows and of course beautiful white winged unicorns to ride about. a mermaid lagoon to the left. but with seahorses all abound, they will even come to shore looking for us. baby animals everywhere; llamas, ocelots, kittens, elephants. it wont even matter, because they will all be friends. wake up in a bed in the snow on the beach. and we will need BUBBLES. lots of bubbles. you hot to trot tail boner slut rub you. we are magical. i lovvve thee
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