September 26, 2010

To anyone listening, I NEED any help possible. Please....

This is very hard to write, a desperate measure I feel horrid to even attempt...
But beyond desprate times call for it...and trust me- im ashamed and very embarrassed-
at what im about to post.

Within the past 3 months, our financial situation went from 'making it by' , to- donating blood for
food. I have done just about everything in my power to make money just to live, besides paying
anything off, as my 200.00 etsy overdue fee right now, is a huge number.

From daily garage sales, hussling anywhere i can for babysitting jobs, trying to find online data
entry jobs, or click advertisements for 5 cents a day...and today I have 3 dollars to my name.

In these past months, we knew- we were going to have to sell our home. And without funding for much
help to fix it up besides painters, all the labor of trimming HUGE partly dead trees on ladders, using power saws, plumbing ourselves, crawling under the scary cobwebb filled deck, painting everything externally, creating bookshelves from old crown molding, etc, cutting glass to fix broken windows, in this san fernando valley heat...its been a nightmare. The ovegrown huge backyard has involved so much- I never would have imagined myself doing. Then from moving huge airmoires, furniture everyday in and out for the garage sales, my back is a mess, but I can now pick up huge pieces of furniture now with one hand! (One good point, i guess :( , breaking our only old wooden rake, no choice but to use it giving me infected blisters all over my hands, inhaling way to much bondo and fainting, being hit with huge tree branches fillled with thorns, and bugs, i look like ive been stung by 50 bees. and I think reading this is doesnt sound like much. But the amount of uncertainty and 7 in the morning till 3 in the morning days of getting this house ready,
has taken many tolls on my physical and mental state. Threw this process, the appreciation ive gained for
those who have to be in extreme heat, fully clothed, mowing lawns and doing such jobs that make such little pay, it breaks my heart. Ive been rethinking my entire future, my etsy, everything. Being in such survior mode,
after 3degree burns (accdential) covering the bottom of both my feet, and still gimping around pulling weeds on my hands and knees, our dog's poison scare (fivel the chiuhaha), I think ive grown up more then I really would have wanted to. But the probabiltity of being homeless or living in our car, has become very real and plausible.

Our house is finally on the market, all the work has paid off. At dont know at what price to our well being,
but the labor is done. Now its a waiting game. We cant pay the morgage/internet/water power, and are
scared everyday, the ignoring of these monthly payments we couldnt and still cant afford, are going to
be turned off any day.

We have 2 bigger dogs and two cats, weve had for a long time. That part is going to be the worst. We cant keep them. Just writing that, my entire throat tightens, i cant. the day when they look at us, like "whats going on??" saying goodbye, its to real, and still trying to find a new place to live...

Im on nervous breakdown mode, I gotta pay my etsy bill, I worked so hard for 3 years on that store, and
its all crumbling. I cant loose it. Its been my life, my income, my pride and personal achievement that know one intially believed would be of any sucess.

What I am asking or attempting to, is if there is anyone who reads this, any kindhearted soul, i know there are still good people out there, i know and hope someone or something will hand me that helping hand, but anything- $1.00, any contribution, tiny or larger, would help me more then you guys would ever know. Some selfless act of anything, I am calling to a higher help. Please hear me.

If you wish to help, donate through paypal, the email address is

And if you email me, or want to be annoymous, but if not, after all this financial devastation is said and done,
hear you me- I will send you the biggest thank you goodie basket possible. I have so much hate in my heart lately, that I did not before all this. And im giving up on humanity these days. If someone gave me 5.00, the thought puts tooo many tears in my eyes.  It would make my day. and perhaps the potential outcome of our living for the week....

ANYTHING will help.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading,

much love i send to you,
jacqleen bleu
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