after watching that show with Susan Surrandon and stuff trying to find there family secrets, and roots;
I got super curious....about the very obscure, and almost obsolete- roots of my mom's- dad.
I spent 40 of my only 80 bucks paypal, on ancestry.com. On a hunt to find out about my mothers bi-racial Louisiana roots, the father who left her at 7, her grandma ida mae and this fellow who is 'John Carroll Bell'.
And through a whole day of delirious searching, I came down to only one death/birth record that really matched. And if this little son of a bitch lived till 2003... its not even fair. The children he abandoned, haven't known of his location, since some estranged phone call when my mom was 12. A real verbal alcoholic abuser. Though a good man without it. People fuck themselves over with such ease and almost zero conviction, it astounds me always...how you remain aware...yet tap into acting cowardly or victimized, and become so un-aware... of your current reality.
If anyone who reads this, as desperate as it sounds...if your in Louisiana and know a bit of its history and natives, and if JOHN carroll bell, rings a bell (no pun intended) or ida mae bell which she later remarried as ida mae fisher. The has three children- John carroll bell (junior but not named so), Irene Bell, and Shirley Bell. I believe they born around 1922 in Louisiana.
thanks guys , or just.. anyone